The two years I spent abroad after my high school graduation were probably the most challenging, exciting and adventurous years I have experienced so far. I packed my bags and moved to the other side of the world. California.
After finishing school, I was sure staying abroad would help me personally in a lot of different ways. I was right. Moving out of home into an unknown culture to deal with new people from different backgrounds and be challenged with new problems, all by myself, helped me to become the person I am today.
I went abroad to work for a family as their AuPair. My main job was to be there for the kid’s needs. Because I was living with my host family in their house, it felt like a new home, but different still. I was aware that I am staying at someone else house with their furniture, their food and especially their rules. In the beginning my host parents were trying to make me feel comfortable and home. I just realized that they handled things differently than I was used to.
Because their public and private appearance was one of the most important things to my host parents, they would never have a face to face discussion with me. Even when there was no one around they still didn’t feel comfortable enough to confront me if there were any problems.
I was totally not used to that from my culture back in Germany. We usually discuss our serious problems personally and not over the phone. To me it seemed so much more logical to deal with problems in a personal way to resolve them faster. Over time I saw how much easier it was for them to express their feelings or opinions via texts. It took me some time but now I’m understanding that preparing and writing a text is less complicated than dealing with the emotions and feedback of an actual person in front of you.
If I were faced with the same situation again I would still, try to have personal talks because I think that is just the way I am. It’s way my culture taught me to do things. I would still accept their way of communicating too. Everyone should be able to communicate the way they want and feel the most comfortable. I should have told them about my way to communicate to prevent misunderstandings and further problems.
Looking back on it I can see myself going through the different stages of denial, defense, minimization, and finally going through acceptance and adaption with my goal to integration.
In the beginning of the year abroad, I didn’t even think that there was another way of solving problems other than sitting down and talking about it until there is a solution acceptable for both parties. I was one hundred percent sure, my way was the right way and there were no other ways. I became very frustrated with the interpersonal communication through the phone. After thinking about my own cultural background, I realized that their communication is part of their culture, too. Like me they probably did not learn it any other way.
Because I started to think more about my own culture and became more comfortable talking about it, I became more interested and better at listening to others talk about their culture. So in my opinion to learn about people and other cultures, we should start by becoming more aware of our own culture.
In the end, I can say that I have found many homes. Not only in Germany, but in the United States as well as in the Netherlands. I was able to get to know new cultures and many incredibly impressive people. I am very grateful for the opportunity to experience an amazing exchange of cultures.
If you are interested in an exchange of cultures and especially living as an AuPair with a family with a different cultural background, this is the organization I worked together with for the whole exchange: https://www.aupairinamerica.com
Around the World 